There’s something crazy going down

Where I reside in my town

There’s something crazy going down

Everyone is going blind

The cause I pledge I have to find

It started in the Butcher’s shop

When he lost his fingers with one chop

He cursed and bled for ages

I didn’t buy no sausages

My tennis coach ended up in a squat

When I hit him in the crotch with a real sweet shot

He didn’t laugh while on his knees

Or when I asked for new balls please

In Krafty Kuts for short back and sides

Billy lost his ears, should have heard his cries

The Cobbler, now that was awful news

Glued his fingers together and not soles on shoes

And Ted the Burglar lost his sight

Just before that guard dog took his bite

Enough already I must find out

What all of this is all about

So I retraced steps and asked around

You’ll be quite shocked 

At what I found

The Nag’s Head it seemed was the source 

Where all the locals drank of course

And attended there a talent show

No one from town that didn’t go

But the landlord spiked his alcohol 

With high doses of methanol

When asked why in front of the jury

 ‘Well I should have won as Freddie Mercury!’

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